A dictionary or something of Tom Swifties.
Lol, '"I can see the Greek woodland deity is no more," Tom said with a deadpan expression.'
'"We're off to Scotland," said Tom clandestinely.'
I'm not even off the first page yet.
p.s. DID YOU GUYS SEE THE SIDE-BAR THAT alibi_factory MADE? I COULD STARE AT IT FOR HOURS.